11-10-04 - 01:44
"And now we're all alone
Wedding bells ain't gonna chime
With both of us guilty of crime
And both of us sentenced to time
And now we're all alone
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me protect me"
Midnight, and I’m sitting at my computer. I have a mission tomorrow so I should sleep, but I keep looking through old pictures. Thinking that even when I’m done here there is nothing left to go back to. I guess the closet thing I could compare
this to would be waking up from a year long coma. A year of my life gone with nothing to show for it but a few scars and too many bad dreams. When I do return “home”, I don’t know if I could turn off the side of me I spent so long running from. I know that I can’t go back to hiding from that
part of myself; I will never go back to that. So what now? Go back to college; get a shit job serving people I hate to make money to pay for some
shitty little apartment. I know I won’t stay in the army. I don’t just hate it, I despise it. But it’s the only thing I found that I excel at. Mix two parts intelligent and three parts strength, add five parts raw will. Then baptize by fire.
What does a soldier do when he has no war to fight? I should just change my name; change my past and my
future. Burn the last of my bridges. At the moment I truly have no future, I am expendable. I just want to know if I will ever feel peace again. The
thing that kept me balanced left on her own path. I’m truly happy for her. But without her there is
nothing to keep me stable. After all, who has need of a broken person?
