10-04-05 - 20:32
"You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin
You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feeling as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you"
dirty vegas
Right now I feel like I look in that picture. Exhausted, drained, frustrated, angry, like giving up, wishing for nothing more than oblivion.
All I can hope to do is slow my decent down the spiral. I turned my resume to well over 30 businesses. With only one call back that has seemed to have been for not. The only jobs I’m getting are as an outside contractor. Jobs that are for a day or two but then dry up. I can't even get a job at gas station as a counter clerk. A job that prier to leaving I was an Asst. manager of a different gas station.
One of the only reasons that I haven't gone back over there is due to "friends" trying to talk me out of it. I can't help but to feel that most of them have there own agenda’s involved. I miss being able to ignore my own problems by taking care of the problems of the soldiers I lead. There was simplicity over there. Don’t die and maintain with honor.
For most of my problems I am to blame, for the rest I at least had a hand in it.
All that’s left is to sit alone and reflect on the choices I have made.
