09-06-06 - 10:15
"As I sit here and slowly close my eyes
I take another deep breath
And feel the wind pass through my body
I'm the one in your soul
Reflecting inner light
Protect the ones who hold you
Cradling your inner child
I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control
Tragic visions slowly stole my life
Tore away everything
Cheating me out of my time
I'm the one who loves you
No matter wrong or right
And every day I hold you
I hold you with my inner child
I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control"
godsmack
serenity
It was over, I was starting to heal. I could almost move on. She came back. She came back to tell me she was with child. I had hoped it was my offspring, but quickly I understood it was not. She must have hoped I would take the place of the father. I cannot, she was the one that cast me off, and she was the one that set me to the side. I am as atlas with more than my own burden to carry on my shoulders. I will help her if I can but the us that was once has died and fallen apart long ago. I wish that the child was mine, to know that I had part in creating something pure. But I guess I am meant to walk a different path. As the days pass, the more I wish for the army. I did not know I hoped for a family until it was offered and then taken. For some reason it hurt worse than any physical pain I have felt. Son or daughter will never be granted to me. I can only long of the warm touch of steel. I give my self 7 months to find something else or I will go back to the love/hate embrace of combat. I wish for family to give me something to live for. But only false hope has been sent my may.
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