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10-01-06 - 13:24

"Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain"
Dave Matthews

She left to go back to wherever for a few months just to come back here. I don't know if we will meet up again. This month I have stopped talking to most of the people I know. I didn't want friends. I just wanted to be alone. I fallowed some trail and camped when I couldnít walk anymore. Somehow I wound up near Iowa City. About 125 miles away from my home. All I have been is angry and alone. Nothing was solved nothing was complete. I was looking for absolution from my own pain. None was to be had. I made a grave for the part of myself that was a soldier. I even left a headstone of two crossed sticks. I wish to bury that part of myself. I no longer want that to be part of me. If I no longer had it I might be normal. But it hasn't worked so far. The hope of having a child was a crushing blow. I no longer know what to do with myself. I long for a family that will never come. Iím moving again soon so I wonít have a room mate. I just want to wallow in my own self pity. Fuck it, rock and roll..

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