06-30-06 - 11:45
"You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart"
NIN
I have been gone for sometime. Lost in my self loathing I guess. I quit my job because I wanted to keep myself. I�m going to get a part time job and let Uncle Sam pay for my education. I spent sometime talking with some paramedics. If I do nothing else with my life I will be happy to be a paramedic. School starts at the end of summer. After that I will have to move to complete my training. Most likely Des Moines.
But a question now comes to mind. I have nothing in my life. What now? I was seconds away from going back to the army. It came time to sign the paperwork and I said fuck it. But right now my life is very hallow. I try to fill it with minor distractions, but to no avail. All I do now is drink and fool around. I need something to fill the void. If I don't my memories will catch up to me. Things I can�t run from or drink away. God knows I have tried. I still have nightmares. The things I have done wont let me go. What the fuck can I do?
Fuck it, rock and roll!
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